My least favorite Question...

It's funny how this blog thing has turned into more of a journal..it's a way of my expressing my inner most thoughts..I guess that's what all blogs are. I've actually written quite a bit on paper recently as well. For whatever reason, one I have not been able to pinpoint yet, I've been more introverted lately. The funny thing is normally I'm introverted in the beginning and then turn extroverted when I warm up to my surroundings..but I've done the opposite. Maybe it's because I'm embarking on a new beginning or just that there's been too much going on lately. I don't know. At work, we have to ask our customer's what there expectations are. That is my least favorite question. Maybe it's because I don't really like expectations. I often question was is considered to be a "reasonable expectation" in a given situation when it comes to people. You see the thing is just because I think something should be a certain way does not mean that it is. I try to have expectations while understanding that people are their own people, make their own choices and have their own expectations. There have been points in my life where my expectations were low--too low--and I've said to myself well, I can never be disappointed only pleasantly surprised!! Yes, it was my cynicism. But I'm at the point of not wanting to keep my expectations too high. Where do you find the happy medium? That's why I don't like expectations. Maybe we should keep our expectations high and just expect occasional disappointment because that's a part of life then implement forgiveness as needed. That's probably the better route the more I think of it. I really like that actually. I just had a thought..that's got to be how God works. God does not lower his expectations of us just because we disappoint him and fail repeatedly, no, no, God implements forgiveness when merited and as needed. That's a happy thought actually. Okay, so now that I've thought myself through liking expectations, let's get to pressure. The last thing anybody wants is pressure. There are some of us who perform at peak levels when under pressure. But again most people don't like pressure. So, set an expectation within reason with minimal pressure? Hmm..that question merits more thought. I'm not entirely sure how that can be accomplished. I've tried to stay away from the "supposed to be" syndrome. You know how something is "supposed to be" or how someone is "supposed to act.." (this is not applicable to God of course..when you become the Almighty you can tell me how things are supposed to be..in the meantime..no you can't) I think this way because again how people are so different. Anyhow--I don't remember where I was going with that because I had to put the kids to bed. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Phillip's death. I plan on going to his grave; I wrote him a letter. I may send it up to him in a balloon-I know it's not necessary and it's not likely to get to him because of the state of being he is in, but still it's for the tradition, or thought, or something..I don't know though..I know he is still around, at least I believe he is..I don't know how else to describe the feelings I get. I try talking to him on a regular basis, just don't always know if it's him talking back. I feel like there is a fork in the road in front of me and I need to pick a direction. *sigh* I don't know where my enthusiasm has been lately..why???? Come on already, I want to feel motivated, and I'm just not feeling it--maybe I need to get to the gym, I haven't been lately. But I'm trying to cancel that membership because times are tough and I like exercise videos--I'd so buy some new ones right now if I could, the ones I have are a n c i e n t..and scratched. Maybe it's just fear of the unknown so I'm not so enthusiastic. I'm treading lightly, taking baby steps towards the right direction. I know the motivation has to come from within--it's the light bulb or the aha moment that I need. I'm okay with baby steps. What I really need is a goal and a plan to get to that goal. I had goals six months ago but they've been revamped because they maybe were not the best. Maybe I just need to do that, find what my goals are now--what they really are. Wait a second hold the phone, there was absolutely nothing wrong with my goals 6 months ago--the problem was with the plan! Duh..really how could I have missed that? Okay, it's now time to go revise the plan..